I broke my 87 day streak yesterday by not posting. As anal as I am, I have accepted that it is not a failure to skip something when I just don’t have it in me.

I have forced toxic positivity and gratitude for over a decade. I literally made these lists while sleeping at a bus stop homeless, I could find 3-5 things a day that I was grateful for. Granted some days my lists were being grateful for finding a place to shower, nicotine, and methadone but I was still consistently posting them to my social media.

My now deceased cousin so rudely put it to me one time that I didn’t need to broadcast all of my drama on the internet. Turns out she was right and I’ve become selective as to what I’ll share and what I withhold.

My past with addiction, my time in jail/prison, my time being homeless- all valuable life lessons that turned me into the person I am today and I don’t really hide. It would be quite foolish to try and hide my past given it’s all over Google, so I’ve learned to accept it for what it is. I spent the first few years post release being upset about how limited my options became as a felon. Over time I’ve learned to work within the limitations and be proud that I’ve stayed out over a decade when the recidivism rate is quite high for addicts especially.

I don’t feel the need to pull 3 generic things out of my ass for the sake of a weird streak obsession I had going on with this blog (*cough cough* hyper focusing). I’m alive, I’m showing up, and that is honestly the most I can do. This blog is a work in progress, I’m still trying to figure out organization of it but I am grateful for the consistency of those participating and following along, thank you🖤✨