Sometimes I feel like a complete imposter when I look at my life today versus 15 years ago.

15 years ago we could barely scrape together $750 a month to cover our rent and most months we spent dodging the landlord to try and get up whatever amount was still missing. We had even gone thru a slew of horrific roommates in an attempt to try and get that measly $750 together monthly.

Worst part? My husband had an employer at the time that would pay him $800 PER JOB HE FINISHED. We could have been living in luxury but instead codependency and our addiction got in the way and we missed out on that one completely. Every penny we made went to absolute scummy people and we were consistently having issues with drama (because what circle of drug addicts is ever civilized and decent?)

That was the apartment that we couldn’t afford to have oil delivered for heating so we went without heat. Instead of being safer and getting some form of space heaters we foolishly moved our bed into the fucking kitchen and slept with the oven door open and on because the gas bill was cheaper than an oil drop off. FOR THE RECORD THAT IS DANGEROUS AND NOT A SAFE OPTION. We were young and quite stupid at the time and were lucky we didn’t take out that entire apartment building on accident.

Those years were a blur of bad decisions, but it felt much more familiar than the life I have today with a ridiculous car loan, a job I’ve had for years, an apartment I haven’t been kicked out of, and a whole ass family with kids. I spent so many years being chronically poor, homeless, and depressed that things going smooth in any form feels completely unnatural. I’m not saying my life today is perfect in the slightest but if my past me met my current self the past version would definitely rob the present one.

This is apparently my dark take on gratitude for the day, I guess it’s better than nothing and I’m trying to work on consistency (not perfection).