I wish I could be writing this trying to force gratitude instead of trying to keep my stomach from dropping out of my asshole because I’m in a state of sheer terror. The one thing we have been able to rely on the past 5 years has been my husband’s employment, which yesterday that went up in fucking flames. I’m 90% sure what they did is illegal, but as we have learned the hard way when it comes to employment law it’s pointless to fight it.

Yesterday morning I had a dentist appointment that involved Xanax so I was pretty fucking loopy and able to kind of shove myself into denial? Well I woke up this morning and the sheer terror has set in. Jobs around here are unbelievably limited and we were lucky as fuck he had been able to find a job he could get himself to and from without issue.

I keep hoping that this was all some ridiculous misunderstanding but unfortunately it’s a very real crisis we just landed us in that’s a million times worse than any of the manufactured bull shit I could come up with on my own. I had finally felt safe with my health insurance situation and now I have to rush to the lab in hopes I can get my bloodwork done and paid for by his old work insurance. My Graves’ disease I’m almost positive is back, which is just another expense I can’t afford- like dying in this country isn’t even fucking free.

All of my autoimmune diseases are stress triggered, and the sole person who paid all of my fucking bills losing their income sure as fuck feels like as stressful as it can get. Life has been continuously shitting on me and I am beyond tired of it. I reached out to my employer and offered to pick up more shifts, with their ongoing heat issue I don’t know how much that’s actually going to help.

I’m not grateful. I’m scared shitless and having a full blown fucking meltdown. I’m whoring myself out by again plugging my small business website here since this blogs views have been going up lately https://baby-daddy-brands.square.site/

My life’s a fucking joke😵‍💫