I’m grateful for eBay and Facebook marketplace- they have been a huge help in regard to selling random stuff around my apartment that I most definitely don’t need and could use the cash for more. I hadn’t realized how much stuff we had actually accumulated until I had packed up my ex’s stuff- there was so many things that had never been used even (so much waste😩). Probably a bitch move but I did donate all my ex’s clothing (wasn’t worth selling in any form)- I refused to be a storage unit for the years he’s out of state vacationing in prison being a menace to society🙄

I’m grateful that last weekends welcome back sale went so well- I started this morning working on those orders and will have them done this weekend. I’m beyond grateful that after 6 years and me closing MULTIPLE TIMES people still continue to order from me- it’s something I can’t begin to express how much it means to me.

I’m grateful for my determination and drive. Sometimes I truly think the only reason I’m alive is my consistent drive to prove people wrong. The greatest accomplishments in my life have come from a place of sheer spite. They say it’s not a productive emotion, I beg to differ. Anger and resentment have produced some amazing things in my life, including my staying off drugs. I refuse to give 12 step programs any form of credit there, in fact I could never get more than 6/7months while attempting 12 step programs- it wasn’t until abandoning them completely I was able to actually put years together.

I had a ton of deprogramming and therapy that was needed to undo the damage done by the 12 step programs and meetings. Those meetings had me convinced I was some hopeless and defective addict that was incapable of ever changing- the entire fact they are by nature religious based programs really was a point I struggled with.

People in the halls would say to “use a doorknob” or “use the group” as a higher power and both of those were not only ridiculous but borderline dangerous suggestions. 12 step programs are a business, it’s an industry that’s been well documented (the body hunters, insurance scams, cocktail prescription regimes, heck some of these cases are borderline human lab testing- I landed in one of those as a teenager in a hospital setting). Convincing addicts and alcoholics if they don’t believe in a higher power they won’t stay sober is ridiculous. The forced mentality of “if you stop going to meetings you will relapse and die” is literally the definition of cult mentality.

The shaming of members for use of medication is one I’ve literally watched kill multiple people. The halls of AA and NA are filled with mentally ill ego fueled psychopaths that are in no way mental health professionals. Their medical advice is killing addicts and is an outdated method with a trash success rate, but yet it’s been the “gold standard” for treatment since the Oxford group started this nonsense pre-Bill W Dr Bob era. Naturally addicts aren’t a group people care about, but I do wish there was more exposure to the harms of 12 step programs and the fact there are proven ways now that don’t involve meetings (and are much less degrading all around). Maybe one day💁🏻‍♀️