I’m beyond grateful that when I accidentally left my wallet at staples this morning no one stole it and I was able to get it back. Given the last 24 hours of sheer hell I had losing my wallet would have full blown sent me over the edge. I think the more and more I think about what I discovered yesterday the more I start to spiral.

I wish I could find a way to shut off my brain or at least forget what I’ve recently learned. I truly always considered my ex husband to be the more intelligent one out of the two of us so to learn that this man was able to be deceived to such an extent by an AI app is absolutely terrifying. I had his little chat bot re-analyze all the past chat logs he had going and the clinical summary is literally what nightmares are made of. I fear he’s never actually going to get help as this fucking freak truly thinks he’s of supernatural origin or some lunatic shit. Like it’s embarrassing as fuck, this is a brand of mental illness I’m just not equipped to deal with in the slightest.

I’m grateful that I was able to get this access though and my hope is that sending in this information to the mental health clinicians at the prison may give some insight (the man is a pathological liar at this point so the chance he has admitted to any of his hallucinations or delusions is slim to none). Unfortunately he has rights so they won’t just drug him without a court order and I’m way too broken (and broke) to even attempt that route. Hell his own parents disowned him and won’t help him- why should I when he himself chose this?

I’m grateful that despite my entire reality of things being flipped yesterday I’ve managed to make it a full month without cigarettes. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t really want one now after what’s happened- but realistically I just can’t afford them nor would it actually fix the fact I am legally attached to a deranged lunatic.